Independence

Happy 4th of July. It coincides with my topic of independence. I did not realize how much being independent means to me until I became dependent. I have been dependent on walkers, canes, people to fix my meals, people to fix my coffee, my husband to help me out of a shower, using a shower chair and driving me places. Thankfully my mom in law was here 2 weeks to help. It’s been 3 1/2 months and I still can’t drive. Shaving and showering still wear me out. But I’m much better. I can see some progress but I’m still not there yet. I do not like asking for help but I’ve had to.

I see my surgeon on July 30th and have an MRI. I hope everything is better. I quit taking my anti seizure medication and I feel so much better.

I now value my independence and look forward to getting better. Today I celebrate our country’s independence. I’m grateful for the soldiers that keep the USA safe and keep my rights protected. Pray for our soldiers today. Them and their families. We live in the best country ever and I’m so grateful.

Love & hugs. Serena ❤️❤️❤️

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Slow recovery

I am really struggling to overcome brain surgery. I feel so terrible most of the time. I do not get much done around the house. I’m still unable to drive. Showering and shaving is exhausting. I’m unable to do much at all. It’s so frustrating. I know I need to listen to my body and rest. I had such high expectations of conquering the dirty house this summer. Obviously I’m not getting much done. I’m a very driven person so this is hard for me. I make to do lists weekly but only get 1-2 things checked off. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to let go and let God take care of me & my family. We are in the midst of chaos. I’m still grieving the death of my momma. I have a few people I need to forgive. I’m working hard at it but I’m not there yet.

Ok I have been in my pity party enough. I have great blessings in my life. I am very grateful for all that is in my life

I wish you all the best in your life. Love, Serena ❤️❤️❤️

Sad & tired

I’m really sad concerning my daughter. She’s been in agonizing pain for 2 years. I would have to use my fingers & toes to count the numerous doctor visits. We have another on Thursday. We saw our PCP on this past Thursday. We had to get a wheelchair. She can barely walk due to the pain at times. She’s 21 not 80. I am sad, confused why God won’t take this away and really mad at God. I’m not being disrespectful but that’s how I feel. He already knows how I feel. My God is big enough to handle it. I am just trying to trust and have faith he knows the big picture.

I am sooooo tired. I’m not getting better. My head hurts on the surgical site. I feel dizzy and confused at times. I’m not driving. I can’t just run to town for milk or bread. Ahhhhhhhhh I’m so tired of this. This is draining me. My daughter and I have been fighting and it just makes everything worse. I’m very sensitive right now. A shower drains me. Watching tv drains me. I see my dr in July for another scan. I just want to wake up and my head feel good not groggy and heavy. Ok, enough whining & moaning. People all over this world struggle. I’m not the only one. Take it easy guys. Hugs 🤗 Serena❤️❤️❤️

Not great news

A week ago I went and had another MRI of my brain. My results were not what we wanted to hear. There is inflammation in my brain where the tumor was removed. Makes sense as to why I’m not recovering the way I want. I’m still so very tired, unable to drive more than 10 miles. I also noticed my head has a knot on it around the surgical site. Very painful to touch. It’s better today but if it’s still there and hurting I will call my surgeon on Tuesday. This up and down is so frustrating. I just want to have energy to do what I want to do. I have started exercising on the treadmill. I have done it for 2 weeks now. It’s not fast because I do not want to fall. But I’m just going to keep at it. That’s all we all can do is just put one foot in front of the other. Stay strong. Hugs & prayers. Serena❤️❤️❤️

Crazy things I’ve done

I have done some crazy crap since my surgery. Yesterday I couldn’t find the door to a grocery store. I looked & looked, walked around and around. There it was the whole time. I felt like an idiot. But I know it’s just an effect of surgery.

Another thing I’ve done is when making banana/pineapple bread I measured the oil but put my bread in the pan without the oil. Ugh!!! I took out the bread and put the oil in. Needless to say I felt like an idiot.

I still have problems reading the keys on my phone. I forget a lot of things. I get very irritated easily. I’m grouchy a lot. I really despise my bad moods. I get bored and lonely. I still can’t do a lot of things.

Long story short my recovery is going to take 6-9 months. I’ve dealt with a incision infection. That has cleared up. I have feeling back in my right leg. I’m no longer on my walker or using a shower chair. So I’m making progress.

Today I showered, washed & dried my hair, put on nice clothes and I’m wearing makeup. I’m tired but I’m going to the doctor with my daughter. I am already exhausted but I shall persevere.

Love & hugs. Serena ❤️❤️❤️

Time alone

I am missing some time alone. I need help pretty constantly. It’s hard to do things. I thought I could cook. So I bent down and got the cornbread pan. I opened my incision and it’s now infected. I’m on a very strong antibiotic. I see first hand why they say no bending or lifting. But it’s really hard to do. I do not like depending on others. My husband and 20 yo daughter have been such a blessing. But I’m craving some me time. It’s not saying I do not love my family but I need to think. I need to plan, why I do not know because everything turns out different. Lol. God has his own plans. His are always better than mine. I’m still so very tired. Caty, my 20 yo is having some serious health problems. She sees the Ob/Gyn tomorrow. I hope my worse thoughts don’t come true. But if it does this family, my family knows how to take care of things. We are always there for each other.

All I pretty much do is rest and sleep. But I have to drive my 13 yo to school and home then to dance. I’m pretty scared. This is tomorrow. I’m still real wobbly but not to bad. I can do it. I need to push myself a little.

If you have time to yourself please use it wisely. I like to read my Bible, pray and just listen to the birds.

I love you all. Be blessed hugs & prayers. Serena

More things learned while trying to recover from brain surgery:

Relying on others is a huge problem for me. I want/need to be independent. But right now I’m not. I’m unable to fix meals, clean, laundry, shower some days, fix my own coffee, pick up things off the floor, lift anything. I have another MRI Tomorrow and we will see if I can drive. But the thing is I’m so very exhausted all the time. My Physical Therapy has gone great. I should be discharged this week. I just got some home health nursing starting today because my blood pressure drops when I stand up and my pulse rate is very high. This has been such a rough journey for me. I’m missing my momma. Just talking to her every day. My grief has been postponed due to my surgery. But I still miss her every day. I can’t cry because it hurts my head (lol). The thing hardest for me is the coffee. I’m sure that sounds trivial but I’m a coffee snob and like my coffee a certain way. I know it sounds silly but that’s ok. I’m handling the pain ok. My staples are out, all 40 of them. My hair hurts to be washed. But that’s getting better. God has really taken good care of me through my mother in law and through my family & a few friends. I have learned so much. I really miss reading my Bible. I know if I can survive this it’s all going to be ok. Hugs & love 💕 Serena.